By: Fatima
It is very strange that we are often told to dream big yet no one tells us that for every dream there is a price to pay. I never realized that till the day I arrived in the United States of America, The Land Of Dreams or as I thought. But before that I want to take you back to the place I belong to. I was born and raised in a small town in Pakistan. It is a small settlement where people live in a close community for generations so everyone knows each other pretty well. I still remember my opinion of them as fish in a pond and always feared that I would become one too, never being able to achieve anything worthy in life. I wanted to get out of there so badly that I never actually cherished the things I had with me.
I still remember that day very clearly when I got the news that I would be going to USA. I was so happy because finally I got the ticket to get out of that place. I would have opportunities that one could only dream about; I was actually on top of the world. I was so excited that I never saw the pain in my mother’s eyes, the one who I was leaving behind. I still remember what she said to me before leaving “You can always come back if you don’t like it”. In one way she was not preparing me for the hardships but rather giving me a safe passage. Unlike many mothers, she was my mirror who seeing right through me knew my dreams. Now sitting here, I can understand her sacrifice and strength by sending her children away. She did not load me with a bag of advises but just bestowed her trust in me.
Throughout the whole journey on the plane I was exhilarated. I remember looking out the window of the plane, making new plans in my head while smiling all the time to myself. It wasn’t until I landed on the airport that I realized that “all that glitters is not gold” after all. The first few months were very hard for me. Not only did I realize the price I had to pay for my dreams, I also knew that I can’t go back and I remember feeling more lonely and weak than ever. I saw the most different and brutal side of life and people. I had soon realized that it is a game of survival where the level gets more and more tougher and life lines get lesser.
It is very strange that we are often told to dream big yet no one tells us that for every dream there is a price to pay. I never realized that till the day I arrived in the United States of America, The Land Of Dreams or as I thought. But before that I want to take you back to the place I belong to. I was born and raised in a small town in Pakistan. It is a small settlement where people live in a close community for generations so everyone knows each other pretty well. I still remember my opinion of them as fish in a pond and always feared that I would become one too, never being able to achieve anything worthy in life. I wanted to get out of there so badly that I never actually cherished the things I had with me.
I still remember that day very clearly when I got the news that I would be going to USA. I was so happy because finally I got the ticket to get out of that place. I would have opportunities that one could only dream about; I was actually on top of the world. I was so excited that I never saw the pain in my mother’s eyes, the one who I was leaving behind. I still remember what she said to me before leaving “You can always come back if you don’t like it”. In one way she was not preparing me for the hardships but rather giving me a safe passage. Unlike many mothers, she was my mirror who seeing right through me knew my dreams. Now sitting here, I can understand her sacrifice and strength by sending her children away. She did not load me with a bag of advises but just bestowed her trust in me.
Throughout the whole journey on the plane I was exhilarated. I remember looking out the window of the plane, making new plans in my head while smiling all the time to myself. It wasn’t until I landed on the airport that I realized that “all that glitters is not gold” after all. The first few months were very hard for me. Not only did I realize the price I had to pay for my dreams, I also knew that I can’t go back and I remember feeling more lonely and weak than ever. I saw the most different and brutal side of life and people. I had soon realized that it is a game of survival where the level gets more and more tougher and life lines get lesser.
Coming as an immigrant, one of the major problem one faces is new language. Even in Pakistan I was very proud of my strong language skills. But little did I know that fate was laughing at me. I remember going to a public school and never had I felt so alienated the way I felt at that time. I longed to see a familiar face but communicating was so hard let alone making friends. “Come sit with us”, said one of the girls to me. I sat with them only to withdraw shortly thereafter. They were not like me. Sometimes they would speak so fast that I barely understood. Those were one of the most terrible times in my life.
One of the most crucial arguments are the one which we have with ourselves. Especially when everything we have always dreamed or struggled for turns against us. It was a time when we recently arrived and were living with a relative. It was Eid, which is a festival celebrated by Muslims around the world. It was my first Eid in USA and even now I remember clearly how I felt that day. One day earlier, my cousin and his family were making plans for the celebration next day. Since we were living at someone else house so it was important that my father, brother and I participate in whatever activity they do, even if we don't want to. Next day I was alone when I woke up. There was no one in the house except for my brother who had high fever. I was frustrated as well as scared. “Where did they all go?” I asked myself. I called my dad, “Dad, where are you?” He said, “I tried to wake you up but you did not wake up”. “But Dad, Muhammad have fever shouldn’t you be here?” I was confused and my confusion did not disappeared even when he said that, “we are living at their house so it doesn’t look nice if I am not with them”.
I came into my room and took out the dress I was going to wear that day, I held it in my hand and looking out of the window asked myself only one question. “Why? Why does it have to be me?” The next thing I remember was the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was unaware of them, lost in the memories of my past when Eid used to be fun. I remembered how my mom would prepare for it. We would all gather at each other houses and the elders would give the younger money. I was so lost in my thoughts only to be brought back by the loud thunder voice. I looked at my new dress and said to myself “I won’t see all this again, its lost”, got up to change into those clothes.
I remember that evening when I started crying because my dad couldn’t buy me a shirt and I was so frustrated. I was angry more at God because on the inside I was still that stubborn girl who would always get what she wanted. It was so hard for me to accept the fact that life is never easy for an immigrant, and in this Land of Dreams it was not going to be easy for me too.
Now when I look back at the long road of life, I see pain and yearning, but I also see happiness and smiles. I see all those amazing people I met along the way, those I call my friends. I found this beautiful place on earth I call my school. After coming here and attending a public school before I was not sure what to expect. But this school proved more than what I expected. Moreover I met me, a shy and introverted girl who couldn’t speak in front of a crowd into someone who is not afraid to speak her mind, who does what she wants. But it was not easy for me, it took a lot more strength then I imagined. I remembered in advisory when Ms Victor asked us to write about our future goals I wrote about ending my shyness and being confident. “You will get there,” she said while looking at my paper. I guess she was true after all. I still make mistakes and I do mess up but that’s how life is. I do admit that there would be times when I would fall but there will be people to support me and hold me. I left one family behind yet found one here.